Fresh and Local

Lau Lau is the kau kau for the luau.

It's Called A "Plug"

No Relation

Welcoming the new president to Kailua on Oahu.

Quit Stalling

Um... how do I say this without being crass?

I don't know that I can't.

Suffice it to say that in a three-stall Men's Room, taking the middle stall when there's no one else around is selfish and arrogant. No one wants to come in and sit next to you; it's bad enough we have to share the same space while taking care of things. Do the right thing and take one on either end so that there is a stall between you and whomever might come in after you.

Really, dude. That's gross.

Tiny Demolition

Yet another reason why I need a tilt-shift lens:


Metal Heart from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

Aquarium of the Pacific

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

Stormy Weather

I predicted this.
I could have placed bets and made good money on them.
And so, it has come to pass: The Blackberry Storm is out, and it sucks. Badly.

When someone (especially and ad agency) tells you that "X is just like a Y", run the other way. In the tech market, it happens all the time, but especially with Apple products. The ads scream at you in their desperation: "Just like an iPhone!" "Just like an iPod!" Whatever. They all end up being exposed as the posers and also-rans that they are.

You need proof of my prophetic powers? Some comments in response to David Pogue's article in The New York Times:

"One of my co-workers, who is almost militant in his disdain for all things Apple, couldn't wait to get his hands on a Storm. Lo & behold, 30 minutes later, he was trying to figure out a way to get his money back."

"I rushed out last week to try the new Storm--and was frustrated, confused and bewildered by the device. I couldn't use the browser, and was even hard pressed to make a phone call."

See? I should go to Vegas with these skillz.

Burger Madness

There is a reason that some people do not have a word for "burger": they are perfectly happy without them. In fact, if they did have a word for burger, it would likely be for a really good, healthy, made-from-a-cow-we-raised-ourselves kind of burger. It would definitely not be a disgusting, processed, fat-laden cancer puck on a carbo-steroid bun.

Billions of people don't eat fast food; their native cuisine works just fine for them, and I guarantee they have somewhere around 97% less plaque in their arteries than any of us in industrialized countries do.

http://www.whoppervirgins.com/

Spoiled Idiots

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Meat is Murder: Tasty, Tasty Murder

Just in time for the holidays, PETA has copied a Wii game title to make their own version which espouses people giving up meat and going vegan.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? (And why do we have incisors, and why do we require protein, etc.?)

I am not going to link to the site, since they seem to have never heard the phrase "user-initiated audio". Maybe their keyboards are too jammed with alfalfa sprouts to code properly.

Carousel

Two things about this video:

1. It is a fine example of why I am so proud to be in advertising, an industry filled with creative thinking and emotions that encourage people to bring products into their lives, and
   
   
2. This is, by far, one of the top 5, all-time best moments of television ever written.

Thunderbirds Are GO!

Hope Reigns Supreme

It is a bright, new day for our country. For the first time in eight years, we feel the warm sunlight of hope on our faces.

We no longer have to be ashamed of our place in the world view.

We no longer have to worry that our rights will continue to be whittled away by the old guard.

We are no longer war mongers. We will wage peace.

We will no longer be a country of hatred and exclusion; we will welcome each other with open arms.

This is our new hope. This is our shining glory.

This is the start of our Camelot.

P.S. On another note: WTF, California?

Dear Agency Hack

Wait... That's the amazing UBI you come up with to boost your client's
brand? "You Order. We Deliver." Wow. Was that a crazy all-nighter
filled with mood boards and cold Chinese food? The call to action is
engaging and, quite frankly, a little overwhelming. I'm still a little
woozy from the idea of your client delivering something I've ordered.

It's nice to see that four years of Liberal Arts studies spent at the

local commuter college in a mushroom-induced haze have finally paid off for you.

Bravo, Captain. "Bravo", I say.

Wacky in Wasilla

So, let's great this straight:

• The world is only 6,000 years old
• Evolution (like gravity) is just a theory
• Humans lived alongside dinosaurs
• Adults who love each other should not marry
• Alaska is where you will be safe when god has had enough of our crap
  

*sigh*

With a much-needed breathe of reason, Christopher Hitchins reports on all this and more for Slate.com, especially Gov. Palin's clear and present "contempt for science".

If she rides to the voting booth on a Stegosaurus, then I might reconsider my opinion that she's bonkers.

Read it at the Slate web site.

Read this, too.

Nightmare on the Horizon

You need to read this. Seriously.

A Hot Cup of Democracy

"Hi, I'm A Desperate Attempt to Stop Bleeding Market Share..."

"... and it's quite obvious that I cannot come up with any original ideas; that's why I've stolen the idea for this commercial from my top competitor, the same way I've been stealing their technology ideas for 25 years. Yes, I'm a PC, which means that using creative programs to edit movies or images on this old OS is like building a house with a pair of pliers. Sure, my OS is completely outdated, buggy and insecure, but who cares? We want to get all the mileage we can out of DOS: it's still in there! Mac OS and Linux are more stable, more secure and easier to use, but we don't care. We don't have to! We'll keep hawking this lumbering piece of bloatware until we die or until we wise up, the latter of which is highly unlikely. I'm A PC."

Morons.

Since the World is Only 5,000 Years Old, Let's Start Fresh.

McCain. Sound Judgment.
Originally uploaded by The Searcher

Derek Chatwood is a talented illustrator who has hit the nail on the thick skull head of the recent Republican efforts to appear as if they have their act together. This is pure desperation, and on top of it, they hired a religious zealot who has nothing in common with most intelligent, voting Americans.

It would have been perfect if she gave her acceptance speech while speaking in tongues, riding the back of a Jesus Lizard.

Cover/Words: Derek Chatwood (All his rights are reserved.)

Yes, It's Real

Tempting, and very real.

You Don't Have to be Crazy to Run, But It Helps

So, let me understand this: The Republican vice presidential candidate wants creationism (no, I won't capitalize it) taught in public schools? Are you kidding me? Did The Daily Show and The Onion somehow commandeer every news outlet just for kicks and giggles?

Creationism is the biggest load of hooey since the last Bush/Cheney election "win". It is a complete falsehood, a fairy tale promoted by those who would have us elect clergy into federal office in the hopes of "cleaning up the country".

Let me repeat: It is a story told by fools that will only harm the public and, especially, young minds. Many years of scientific endeavor and study have proven evolution, which is a theory in name only. Gravity? Still titled a theory, and yet things still don't just float up off the table. Get my drift?

Adults who promote creationism in schools should be charged with contributing to the delinquency of minors. It is another cruel way of deluding the youth of the country into believing that religion is the path to truth.

Truth is the path to truth. Science is the compass.

Newfangled

Overheard at a PayStation on Main Street in Venice:
"I mean, c'mon: Is it a pay phone or a parking meter?"

It's Funny Because It's True

You damn, dirty apes. You blew it all to Hell!

Beep This.

Voice mail is the work of someone who wanted to bring a small taste of Hell to the earth. Email not good enough for ya? I have enough work to do without having to pick up the phone to hear you ask me if I got the email that you just. sent. a minute. ago.

R.I.P. Altima, 1999-2008

Dear Altima:

I just want you to know that I'm going to miss you. Ten years is a long time to spend together. You were a brand new car when I really needed a boost in my life, since my previous car had limped onto the dealer's lot. Then, I saw you: sleek, black, comfortable. You were The Grown-Up Car. I wanted you immediately.

Just seven months after we met, we took that crazy drive across the country. You helped me make the trip in style, and we got to the Left Coast in just four days. Damn, that was a good trip. You held all my stuff and hummed along while I listened to hog reports and weaved down empty highways, trying to get a good photograph of thunderstorms on the plains. My steadfast companion, you never faltered.

You should know that I did not give you up easily; in fact, I could have let you go months ago, but I couldn't. It just wasn't time. But now, just 82 miles from turning over your odometer, I placed a hand on your sleek rear quarter panel and whispered, "Thank You". And I meant it.

I hope that you give that same initial thrill to someone who will care for you the way I did. I still have the photographs from the day we set off on that road trip, when your paint still shined brightly. I hope you know that I will always remember you that way.

And, again: Thank you, old friend. Drive well and long. Enjoy the roads, and remember me.

Oh, For the Love of...

Are you serious? Are you freakin' serious? How stupid do people have to be to believe this crap?

It makes me want to drive my car right off the edge of the flat earth.

C'mon, people. Really.

Read This Often

For some strange reason, allegedly educated professionals have trouble with "ensure" and "insure", "its" and "it's", plus the seeming inability to properly hyphenate double modifiers (if at all).

Oh. And, there's this: "Less" is used at certain times; "Fewer" is used at other times. Learn how to use them. You sound stupid. The fewer of you there are, the less I need to worry.

Again, someone shares my pain.

Reading is Fundamental

Having once worked for a large media company named after a wily animal usually made into coats, I know the feeling of having long, uninterrupted days of surfing the entire Web. No, more, thankfully: I have work I enjoy, and plenty of it.

However, back then, I would have been glad to have this at my disposal to pass the time.

http://www.readatwork.com/

Hey, you.

Yeah, you. I saw you. You and your girlfriend walked out of the restaurant, laughing and smiling, and you got to your car. She walked to her side of the car, and you walked to your side. Did it even occur to you that it might be the right thing to do to open the door for her? Are you too busy worrying if someone broke into your '74 Pinto to consider doing the right thing?

Oh, and you should have seen her face. She was crestfallen. She smiled this weak little smile in response to whatever you were saying, brushed the hair away from her face, and waited for you. You never arrived, in a sense. And you'll probably never get there; you're too lazy to make the trip.

If she leaves you, you'll know why, and I can only hope you wise up.
If she doesn't... shame on both of you.

Man up.

Sure. Ok.

Delete. Delete. Delete.

Here are more words and phrases that need to be struck from use immediately. Hearing them means that trouble and heartache will soon darken your door.

1. Let's take that offline.
   
2. Strategize
   
3. Low-hanging fruit
4. I know a little Flash.
5. Chillaxin'
   
6. Here are my digits.
7. Net-Net
8. Re-imagine
   
9. Bokeh (unless you are actually speaking Japanese)
10. Crocs
    
11. El Torito
12. Bill O'Reilly
    

Secret to Success #3

It might seem de rigeur for the rest of us, but there are people out there who don't know what to do in a business environment. That said, here is another tip for getting ahead in business.

Pencil sharp? Take note:

Shine your shoes.

:: wild applause ::

Oh, and Guys: none of your colleagues should ever see your feet.

Secret to Success #2

Another tip for making your way through the complicated morass of the business world.

Ready? Here it is:

Learn to spell properly.

:: wild applause ::

My Armor Is at The Cleaners...

Hanging with the guys. Go Empire!

Photo by Paul Sears.

Packing A Powerful Punch

Me with The Green Hornet and Kato. Word.

Photo by Paul Sears.

The Usual Crew

Quite the popular spectacle here at the show.

Iron Monger

What doesn't kill you...

makes you stranger.

Lou Ferrigno

Me: "Mr. Ferrigno: May I please take a photo with you?"
Lou: :: condescending smirk::
Lou's Handler: "It's $20 with your camera or $30 with ours."
Me: "No, thank you."

Jerk.

He Found Her!

At the Con

Oh, yeah. I'm ready. Bring it on.

Waiting in Line

The line for the train to Comic-Con stretches for miles. Thankfully,
we're near the front.

Good Luck with That

You deserve each other.

Secret to Success

Here's a tip for making it in business. Sure, it might seem to be a bit "old school", but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your success might very depend on this small bit of advice.

Are you sitting down? Ready to receive knowledge? Here it is:

Tuck in your shirt.

:: wild applause ::

The Trip Home

Um... Wow.

I am truly honored.

Ding, Dong: The Norm is Dead

Face the truth: Palm is dead in the water, and the Crackberry has taken a fatal shot. The new iPhone push tech, along with Exchange integration, makes anything else a sad, pathetic also-ran.

There is no way anyone can argue that a small, pixelated screen is a better user experience, especially when it's attached to a true handheld computer.

Fanboy? You're damn skippy, I am, and for good reason.

Proof? You got it.

Mochi Creme Ice Cream

Yum. Totally yum.

Who Can Resist?

It's Time

This is driving me crazy, so it must be time. I propose we strike the following words and phrases from the lexicon immediately. True, some of them are no surprise. Others... well, here they are.

1. Synergy
2. My bad
3. Fo shizzle
4. Zune
5. Relationship marketing
6. Poo (without the other "p")
7. Where you at?
8. Wing man
9. Oh, snap.
   
10. Kate Hudson

I feel better now.

One Word to Save Them All

I used this word this week a few times, which is a few times more than I usually do. Using it is like exercising a muscle: it can be painful at first, but it gets easier. And when it gets easier, your life becomes more balanced.

I'll be using it more. Fools and crazymakers, consider yourself forewarned.

Take It from The Tiger

A brilliant sentiment for a perfect spring day.

Hampton Cringe

Oh, c'mon. I'm in the industry, and I understand that you want a killer song to sell the product.

But The Beatles? That's sacrosanct. I just saw an ad for Hampton Inn that featured "A Little Help from My Friends", of all things. Beatles songs should never, ever be used to hawk anything.

I'm still smarting from Nike using "Revolution" to sell sneakers.

Bastards.

Oh, and the same goes for Queen.

Good Humor

I remember asking for money so that I could get a Toasted Almond bar, but I remember walking up to the truck and seeing this logo design even more. No wonder I'm in advertising.

Chi-Town Seminar

Just got back from an amazing three days of learning at the Chicago office. This is me, doing the presentation thing about Twitter, even though the global interwebs are a fad.


Special thanks to Left on Red for the pic.

Talk about slacking...

I haven't touched this blog in, oh... 18 months? Probably because I've been reading every other friggin' blog on the web.

Ok. So. No more slacking. I'll make updates. Really.