You Don't Have to be Crazy to Run, But It Helps

So, let me understand this: The Republican vice presidential candidate wants creationism (no, I won't capitalize it) taught in public schools? Are you kidding me? Did The Daily Show and The Onion somehow commandeer every news outlet just for kicks and giggles?

Creationism is the biggest load of hooey since the last Bush/Cheney election "win". It is a complete falsehood, a fairy tale promoted by those who would have us elect clergy into federal office in the hopes of "cleaning up the country".

Let me repeat: It is a story told by fools that will only harm the public and, especially, young minds. Many years of scientific endeavor and study have proven evolution, which is a theory in name only. Gravity? Still titled a theory, and yet things still don't just float up off the table. Get my drift?

Adults who promote creationism in schools should be charged with contributing to the delinquency of minors. It is another cruel way of deluding the youth of the country into believing that religion is the path to truth.

Truth is the path to truth. Science is the compass.

Newfangled

Overheard at a PayStation on Main Street in Venice:
"I mean, c'mon: Is it a pay phone or a parking meter?"

It's Funny Because It's True

You damn, dirty apes. You blew it all to Hell!

Beep This.

Voice mail is the work of someone who wanted to bring a small taste of Hell to the earth. Email not good enough for ya? I have enough work to do without having to pick up the phone to hear you ask me if I got the email that you just. sent. a minute. ago.

R.I.P. Altima, 1999-2008

Dear Altima:

I just want you to know that I'm going to miss you. Ten years is a long time to spend together. You were a brand new car when I really needed a boost in my life, since my previous car had limped onto the dealer's lot. Then, I saw you: sleek, black, comfortable. You were The Grown-Up Car. I wanted you immediately.

Just seven months after we met, we took that crazy drive across the country. You helped me make the trip in style, and we got to the Left Coast in just four days. Damn, that was a good trip. You held all my stuff and hummed along while I listened to hog reports and weaved down empty highways, trying to get a good photograph of thunderstorms on the plains. My steadfast companion, you never faltered.

You should know that I did not give you up easily; in fact, I could have let you go months ago, but I couldn't. It just wasn't time. But now, just 82 miles from turning over your odometer, I placed a hand on your sleek rear quarter panel and whispered, "Thank You". And I meant it.

I hope that you give that same initial thrill to someone who will care for you the way I did. I still have the photographs from the day we set off on that road trip, when your paint still shined brightly. I hope you know that I will always remember you that way.

And, again: Thank you, old friend. Drive well and long. Enjoy the roads, and remember me.

Oh, For the Love of...

Are you serious? Are you freakin' serious? How stupid do people have to be to believe this crap?

It makes me want to drive my car right off the edge of the flat earth.

C'mon, people. Really.

Read This Often

For some strange reason, allegedly educated professionals have trouble with "ensure" and "insure", "its" and "it's", plus the seeming inability to properly hyphenate double modifiers (if at all).

Oh. And, there's this: "Less" is used at certain times; "Fewer" is used at other times. Learn how to use them. You sound stupid. The fewer of you there are, the less I need to worry.

Again, someone shares my pain.

Reading is Fundamental

Having once worked for a large media company named after a wily animal usually made into coats, I know the feeling of having long, uninterrupted days of surfing the entire Web. No, more, thankfully: I have work I enjoy, and plenty of it.

However, back then, I would have been glad to have this at my disposal to pass the time.

http://www.readatwork.com/

Hey, you.

Yeah, you. I saw you. You and your girlfriend walked out of the restaurant, laughing and smiling, and you got to your car. She walked to her side of the car, and you walked to your side. Did it even occur to you that it might be the right thing to do to open the door for her? Are you too busy worrying if someone broke into your '74 Pinto to consider doing the right thing?

Oh, and you should have seen her face. She was crestfallen. She smiled this weak little smile in response to whatever you were saying, brushed the hair away from her face, and waited for you. You never arrived, in a sense. And you'll probably never get there; you're too lazy to make the trip.

If she leaves you, you'll know why, and I can only hope you wise up.
If she doesn't... shame on both of you.

Man up.

Sure. Ok.